If you’ve ever wondered what life might have been like in the old Soviet Union, you should have stopped by the huge 75% off sale at Whole Foods Market. Just like a Gucci Sample Sale, there were tons of shoppers lined up in front of the store fighting off the cold and dreaming of organic produce and large quantities of wasabi peanuts.

Once inside, people seemed to loose complete touch with reality. I think “hoarding” is the right word for it. Locals were literally buying as much food as they could fit in their carts. Let me rephrase that. Locals were literally buying as much food as they could fit in their Porsche Cheyennes.

I especially enjoyed watching townies grab items that they would never eat — not even for free. Not even if you paid them. But for 75% off they were going in their carts.

The whole scene was like a twisted reality show.

As I was trying levitate out of the spice isle, I ran into a woman who was staring down the label of a dark brown bottle as if it had floated down from space. She was focusing on it so hard — I thought it was going to catch fire. I didn’t wait to see what was going to happen — I got myself together and moved on to the meat isle.

Once there, I grabbed five whole chickens and four pounds of ground pork. Ground pork??????????? I won’t get into it. I’ll eat it — trust me.

So, my cart was just about full and I was ready to check-out. Easier said than done. The lines for the cashier looped around the entire store. They ran thirty or forty people deep.

No big deal. I took my place in the back by the deli counter and patiently waited for an hour and a half until it was my turn to cash in.

And cash in I did.

I have to say one thing — and I really mean it. I’m not sure if everyone shopping at the store was on same muscle relaxant, but I didn’t hear one person bitch and moan about the line taking too long. It was so refreshing. On a normal day, tight faced residents would be barking up a storm if the line was more than two people deep.

Sorry. I’ve got to go and eat my lunch. Dried papaya, rice crackers and a kelp shake.

The Millburn Pool hours are:

Open weekends only, beginning Memorial Day Weekend through June 21 (11AM to 7PM). June 18 though June 20 — 3PM to 8PM

Millburn Pool hours after 6/21 until Labor Day.
Monday – Friday 12 PM to 8 PM
Saturday & Sunday 11 AM to 7 PM
Holidays 10 AM to 6 PM

For more info call 973-376-3822

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I liked having a Vera Wang store on Millburn Avenue. I mean how many towns have a Vera Wang store. It was huge.

What Happened?

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I kinda laughed when I saw the signs all over town announcing “Clean Up Millburn”.

Millburn has got to be one of the cleanest towns in the entire US. It’s like a town with an obsessive compulsive disorder. It can never be clean enough. In the world of real estate “clean” is a very good thing — I just wish the high school kids would stop throwing their empty frappuccino cups in my ivy.

So if you have a couple of free hours on May 2,3 or 4 why not come out and help keep our community clean.

For more info please reach out to millburnec@yahoo.com

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I can officially say that Cianci has the best Tuna fish sanwich in Millburn. They call it the Blue Marine — and it’s fierce. No relish. Lots of onion. Yeah that’s right.

This morning, however, I was Jonzing for a Ham Egg & Cheese Crepe — and like usual Cianci came through in a big way. Check out this bad boy — you better get over there quick they close early

Cianci is located at:
45 Main Street
Millburn/Short Hills

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Sometimes Photos speak louder than words. If you’ve never spent any time in Taylor Park, now would be a great time for a picnic.

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